The Council Room

[Robert Vaughan]

It's kind of sad to think that there are generations of people who think that the strips are fried clams. One of the highlights of our trips back and forth to Wyanoke when I was growing up was stopping at Harley's at some rotary on Route 125 between Haverhill and wherever in NH and getting a couple of big boxes of real fried clams!

[Jim Culleton]

[Bob Kennington]

[Mike Freeland]

Here's another horrifying example or the "two-phone" problem, this from my own neighborhood:

One of my neighbors (Jim) has a big back deck overlooking his neighbor's fenced-in yard and some common area outside the fence where the neighbors' kids (6-7-year-olds) play. The neighbor was doing some gardening outside the fence and left his shovel on the ground near the garden. Their kids routinely leave their bikes and some toys out there too. I doubt they will any more.

So, while Jim was looking on, a car pulled up on the road and a girl of about 15 or so got out of the passenger's side and picked up the shovel. As she started back to the car, Jim yelled "Hey, what do you think you're doing? That belongs to my neighbor!", and started down the steps to get a little closer and a LOT more personal. The girl looked at him stupidly, and an older woman, we're pretty sure it's the Mom (!!), got out of the drivers' side of the car, gave Jim the finger, signaled the kid to get back in the car and they drove off. With the shovel.

I'm absolutely appalled and disusted. My God what kind of future does this world have if this is the trend?

Jim's no spring chicken, so he couldn't see the license plate. Dammit. I'd have followed them home. So would Jim, but was too far from the car.

Thanks, Bob, for the link to the NYT article.

I've nicked it from their site (there's a "print" format and a means to email it to others, so they can't be TOO picky about copyright. I did leave the credits in it. I hope they don't hammer me for this, but here it is:

July 26, 2008
Dear Parents: Please Relax, It’s Just Camp
By TINA KELLEY
HONESDALE, Pa. — A dozen 9-year-old girls in jelly-bean-colored bathing suits were learning the crawl at Lake Bryn Mawr Camp one recent morning as older girls in yellow and green camp uniforms practiced soccer, fused glass in the art studio or tried out the climbing wall.

Their parents, meanwhile, were bombarding the camp with calls: one wanted help arranging private guitar lessons for her daughter, another did not like the sound of her child’s voice during a recent conversation, and a third needed to know — preferably today — which of her daughter’s four varieties of vitamins had run out. All before lunch.

Answering these and other urgent queries was Karin Miller, 43, a stay-at-home mother during the school year with a doctorate in psychology, who is redefining the role of camp counselor. She counsels parents, spending her days from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. printing out reams of e-mail messages to deliver to Bryn Mawr’s 372 female campers and leaving voice mail messages for their parents that always begin, “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just returning your call.”

Jill Tipograph, a camp consultant, said most high-end sleep-away camps in the Northeast now employ full-time parent liaisons like Ms. Miller, who earns $6,000 plus a waiver of the camp’s $10,000 tuition for each of her two daughters. Ms. Tipograph describes the job as “almost like a hotel concierge listening to a client’s needs.”

The liaisons are emblematic of what sleep-away camp experts say is an increasing emphasis on catering to increasingly high-maintenance parents, including those who make unsolicited bunk placement requests, flagrantly flout a camp’s ban on cellphones and junk food, and consider summer an ideal time to give their offspring a secret vacation from Ritalin.

One camp psychologist said she used to spend half her time on parental issues; now it’s 80 percent. Dan Kagan, co-director of Bryn Mawr, has started visiting every new family’s home in the spring and calling those parents on the first or second day of camp to reassure them.

And while the camp schedule once was sacrosanct, parents are now pulling kids out to act in commercials, compete in gymnastics meets or fill choice seats at baseball’s All-Star Game.

Accommodating parents makes sense, since without happy parents, there would be no campers at all, happy or otherwise. But, treading carefully, some in the camping industry privately worry that meddlesome mothers and fathers seem to have forgotten that one main point of overnight camp is to give children a chance to solve problems without parental assistance.

Starting about seven years ago, camps tried to satiate parents’ need to know by uploading pictures of kids at play daily to password-protected Web sites, a one-way communication tool that seemed to respect the sleep-away tradition of maintaining distance. But such real-time glimpses often aggravate the problem, as the obsessed become obsessed with what they are seeing — or not seeing.

“I have parents calling and saying they saw their child in the background of a picture of other children and he didn’t look happy, or his face looked red, has he been putting on enough suntan lotion, or I haven’t seen my child and I have seen a lot of other children, is my child so depressed he doesn’t want to be in a picture,” said Jay Jacobs, who has run Timber Lake Camp in Shandaken, N.Y., since 1980.

“In previous years, parents would understand that we were out in the field with children, and we’d get back to you after dinner when we had freer time,” said Mr. Jacobs, who has fielded inquiries from parents about what day the water trampoline would be fixed and whether a particular child still loved his mother after a promised package failed to arrive. “Now a parent calling at 11 will be off the charts if they don’t have a response by 1 or 1:30.”

Norman E. Friedman, a consultant who conducts training at 44 camps, said parents also take up valuable camp resources by breaking the rules they have tacitly agreed to.

“They’ll give their child two cellphones, so if they get caught with the first one, ‘Just give it up and you’ll have the second one to talk to me,’ “ he said. “That’s widespread, not isolated. I call it fading parental morality. What they’re doing is entering into delinquent behaviors with their children. And what kind of statement is that to a child?”

He and others said parents also frequently send children away without packing their prescribed medication for attention deficits or psychological problems — and without letting camp staff know.

“They keep it as a secret, that the kid was on those medications, so the kid comes to camp and starts acting out in ways directors don’t understand,” Mr. Friedman explained. “Oftentimes they get very aberrant behaviors, and have to hospitalize children.” Only then does the parent mention the underlying issues and unused medication, he said.

Catherine Steiner-Adair, a clinical psychologist in Massachusetts who consults with residential camps, said they can be among the best places for children to develop social skills and resilience — if only parents allow it.

“If your child doesn’t get the bunk they want or you’re worried that he didn’t get the right camp counselor, if you convey that kind of response — ‘Oh my God, that’s awful, let me call them, it’s so unfair’ — that’s the worst possible response a parent could have,” she said. “But more of that is happening.”

Marla Coleman, a past president of the American Camp Association who has served as a parent liaison at Camp Echo, a sleep-away camp in the Catskills, pointed out that with the proper amount of hand-holding, camp can be as much a declaration of independence for parents as it is for children. “Nobody goes to school for how to send your child away from you,” she said. “We help the parents become independent. And especially post-9/11 in today’s society, that’s definitely a heightened need.”

In explaining parental yearning for frequent contact with their children and reassurances about their safety, Ms. Coleman, whose family owns a day camp where she now works as a parent liaison, quotes Mary Pipher, an anthropologist and the author of “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls” (1994). Ms. Pipher once told her, “It used to be the job of parents to expose their children to the outside world; today, it is their job to protect their children from the outside world.”

Ms. Coleman describes the role of parent liaison as part coach, part advocate, part partner and part medium, channeling a child’s sometimes shaky emotional state to parents.

“When a parent knows there’s a responsible adult who represents all the other adults there, they can relax more and help us do our job more,” she said. “Almost always there’s a huge thank you and learning experience from the parent. They’ve experienced this along with the child, and they’ve grown too. They’ve learned how to separate a little bit better.”

Lake Bryn Mawr Camp has added a second visiting day, designed for children with divorced or divorcing parents, or families with children in more than one camp. To prepare, Ms. Miller sent parents combinations of different letters: one for girls with a bunkmate who has a peanut allergy, one for first-time campers and some that included permission slips for those who wanted to take their daughters off campus.

Stationed at the gate, she would greet each family, have campers paged over the public-address system, then preside over the often-tearful reunions. “Sometimes the kids don’t know which parents are coming,” Ms. Miller said of the second visiting day.

Becky and Drew Picon, who live in Livingston, N.J., spent the day playing basketball and visiting the stables with their 15-year-old daughter, Jaime, who is in her seventh summer at Bryn Mawr.

The Picons acknowledged that they are “demanding parents,” having called camp staff over the years to request a special cereal for Jaime, who rarely ate breakfast before this year; to ask for extra phone calls when she was in the infirmary; to take her off campus one visiting day when they had a scheduling conflict; and to seek advice about problems their son was having at another camp.

And there they were on the phone last week with an 11th-hour plea to come on Sunday, instead of Saturday, when they would be visiting the aforementioned son (they each thought the other had already called).

Mr. Picon, who owns several auto dealerships, remembered calling Mr. Kagan, the Bryn Mawr director, on Jaime’s very first day of camp back in 2001.

“I called the camp at 7 a.m. and Dan answered the phone,” Mr. Picon said. “He said, ‘Jaime’s fine. And are you going to call me every morning?’ “

Anticipating a lecture, Mr. Picon said, “I think I am.”

To which Mr. Kagan, himself the father of three daughters, warmly replied: “Well, do it at this time of day, it’s when I have some free time.”
_________________
'56-C-9 C. Mosher '57-C-9 Bill Feaster
'58-J-14 H. Peavy '59-J-11 G. Wood, C. Duncan
'60-S-8 R. Leavitt, D. Hemphill '61-S-1 E. Slocum
'62-JA-1 H. Dunbar '63-C-2 (JC)
'64-C-5, (JC) Councilor
'65-C-9 '66 - '72-J-8
'73-JA1 '75-J-6

[Jim Culleton]

Mike, interesting story about your neighbor Jim. Too bad he didn't have some pepper spray or mace with him to tackle that 15 yr old and her mom. Actually a Tazer would work better. I think I'm gonna get one!

I would be curious as to what Dana Russian's comments would be re: the interaction between campers and parents during today's camping experience, considering his son currently attends Camp Belknap. Wyanoke and Belknap were/are further off the beaten track than the camps sited in the article which may or may not make a difference today regarding parent interference.
_________________
'56 - J-9 J. Moulton
'57 - J-11 J. Moulton
'58 - J-4 E. Web Dann, S. Hood
'59 - S-6 P. Leavitt
'60 - S-2 F. Avantaggio
'61 - JA-1 RK Irons
'62 - C-9 JC with P. Freeland
'63 - C-1 JC with S. Borger
'64 - C-6 Councilor

[DavidAyars]

Bob, that NYTimes article... very disturbing. I'm not that far removed from that cohort parent group, but I just can't understand that at all, which is a reaction I hope every parent who attended Wyanoke as a camper would share. It's certainly not BMB's value system. I believe he'd shake his head in dismay.
_________________
Camper: J-8 1965 (Kevin Ryan), J-8 1966 (Mike Freeland), S-6 1967 (Russ Hatch), S-3 1968 (Jeremy Cripps), and JA-2 1969 (Dan Mannis).
JC: J-2 1970 (Bill Bettison) and J-3 1971 (Gene Comella). Councilor 1972, J-5 1973, and JA-1 1974 & 1975

[Dana Russian]

[Mike Freeland]

Hi Dana,

I'm an old fart too, curmudgeon, even, but I think that the ipods and the like (music machines) are the modern extension of our clandestine "transistors", and they don't trouble me NEARLY as much as cell phones and Game Boys. I loved having my 6-transistor radio at camp. The problem is that EVERYONE has an ipod, so if the camp's going to allow them, they need to regulate their use. Siesta/Quiet hour/Taps time -- not at meals or activities etc., or when anyone's talking to them. I bet they get swapped a lot at the end of camp. They all look alike.

Seems these days that anything which requires full-time use of the thumbs irritates me, and if I never see another kid texting again it'll be too soon. I've been in conversations with people who get the vibe, then start thumbing without even saying "excuse me". If I stop tallking, I get a petulant "I'm listening!" Right.

Watching people text while driving sends me into a rage.

I went to see a matinee of the stage version of Mama Mia in Denver a year or so ago, and as soon as the curtain dropped, the entire auditorium lit up with a thousand tiny screens. I don't know why I find that so reprehensible. Seems like no matter who people are with, they'd rather be with, or communicating with, someone else.

But I digress. I'm glad to hear that Belknap is still a traditionally run camp. I wish Wyanoke were around to show the rest of them (as in the NY Times) how it's done.
_________________
'56-C-9 C. Mosher '57-C-9 Bill Feaster
'58-J-14 H. Peavy '59-J-11 G. Wood, C. Duncan
'60-S-8 R. Leavitt, D. Hemphill '61-S-1 E. Slocum
'62-JA-1 H. Dunbar '63-C-2 (JC)
'64-C-5, (JC) Councilor
'65-C-9 '66 - '72-J-8
'73-JA1 '75-J-6

[Chris Gill]

I may be showing my age and ignorance but don't you need an outlet to charge the things.

At Wyanoke I don’t think there were any outlets, at least I don't recall ever seeing one. I guess there must have been a couple but not enough to charge cell phones and DSplaygamestationpodboys, or whatever they're called, for over a hundred campers and staff.

What would Freddy have said if we plugged power-strips into all the outlets in camp?
_________________
1965-1975
C7,C8,J8,S4,S3

[Dana Russian]

Mike,

I just checked with Greg, and he confirmed that the ipods are only allowed in the cabins at Belknap. I would assume that there are outlets in the cabins!

I remember Rick Porter, my councilor in 1969, having a transistor radio in the tent...I think...But then I was the one who falsely remembered Arlo Guthrie performing at camp!!!

[Jim Culleton]

[Mike Freeland]

Jim, it never ceases to amaze me the obscure memories you conjure up for me. I haven't thought of my summer as an Aide (in Sloc's S-1) for years! I remember being an Office Aide, spending a glorious languid afternoon broken only by occasional requests to go get someone or inform them of the possibility of a weather change at the wharf, or take this load of morphine to the infirmary or run into Wolfeboro for a baseball. That was indeed one of the few places you could listen to a radio as long as it didn't drive Bea nuts. There was real electricity there too. Every once in a while, John Moskel would come in and play "Bumble Boogie" on the piano against the "POCKpock POCKpock" rhythm of the ping pong table on the porch.

Someone made an after-lunch announcement, calling for a meeting of the Office Aides, Infirmary Aides and the Band Aides at the pump after announcements. He was informed that announcements were not the venue for humor.

No rechargeable batteries in those days. Alkalines were still a thing of the future. Everything was chronically-leaky lead-acid batteries that lasted a few minutes at full power, then reduced your flashlight to a limp orange dot on the ground for the rest of the summer. For some reason, I remember people thinking that their bulbs were burning out, rather than the batteries. That was dumb. The Wyanoke Store wasn't exactly Costco in terms of prices (what with Dave and Bob's sales commissions and all), so it was best if you got your batteries in town at the hardware store.

The Senior Camp was indeed powerless. I think there may have been electricity in the nearby Sears Nature House, but it was always locked up. There was, however, a convenient water pipe running above ground through the Senior camp which was perfect for face-plants and antenna purposes.

Speaking of the Nature House, does anyone remember the 3-D model of the camp property built by the JAs in '68 for the 50th anniversary?
_________________
'56-C-9 C. Mosher '57-C-9 Bill Feaster
'58-J-14 H. Peavy '59-J-11 G. Wood, C. Duncan
'60-S-8 R. Leavitt, D. Hemphill '61-S-1 E. Slocum
'62-JA-1 H. Dunbar '63-C-2 (JC)
'64-C-5, (JC) Councilor
'65-C-9 '66 - '72-J-8
'73-JA1 '75-J-6

[DavidAyars]

You guys are right about the very limited locations for AC outlets in camp, but I crack up at the thought of seeing Freddie's eyes bug out as he had to repeatedly replace fuses or as he came upon a dining hall outlet loaded up with extension cords and power strips with iPod and cell phone chargers. I'm not sure which would melt down first, the camp's 60 AMP service fusebox(?), or Freddie himself.

Yes, I do remember the 60th anniversary camp model. That was quite a piece of work. I don't remember which JAs were mostly responsible for that. It got kind of sad looking in the Sears House towards the end. Didn't hold up well. There weren't exactly climate controlled museum archive conditions in the Sears House, with a temperature range of 20 below to 120 degrees F. Probably got pitched with most stuff there.
_________________
Camper: J-8 1965 (Kevin Ryan), J-8 1966 (Mike Freeland), S-6 1967 (Russ Hatch), S-3 1968 (Jeremy Cripps), and JA-2 1969 (Dan Mannis).
JC: J-2 1970 (Bill Bettison) and J-3 1971 (Gene Comella). Councilor 1972, J-5 1973, and JA-1 1974 & 1975